Welcome to Soul 92 Jams! My name’s Alex, but most people call me “shut up” or “why are you still here?” I have a LOT of soul power, in case you were wondering. Like enough to make a ginger back into a human again. Because gingers don’t have souls, it’s a common urban myth or something. I don’t make this stuff up, google it. Or I can consult my underground, anonymous inside source, which is NOT wikipedia. Everyone keeps emailing me and asking me and I’m gonna block all of them. It’s a super secret source, so even if it was wikipedia, why would I tell you?
Soul, in essence, is essence. See what I did there? It’s a religious or mythological “incorporeal” essence of a living being. I didn’t even have to consult my source for that one. Music provides soul power, and I listen to a ton of music, so I’m basically a soul master. Don’t worry if you don’t know what any of that means, we still invite lesser soul beings to view our website. If you live in a monotheistic society, then leave this page now. Because I am a god, so that would probably conflict with your religion. This is referred to as cognitive dissonance, when the brain attempts to believe two opposite truths simultaneously, leading to confusion.
The name of our website originates from how many seconds it will take you to realize how awesome I am/our website is, but also incorporates a music theme, because we said “jams”. If you can guess the difference between jam and jelly, I will personally meet you and transfer some of my soul power to you. Not too much, I wouldn’t wanna die or anything. But enough to help you ascend and have soul visions just like I do.
Maybe someday you can even become a soul master too? For those of us who can’t think for ourselves, a soul master is ____. If you possess enough soul power, you will be able to read what I underlined. You can’t? Well, I guess you have to listen to more music then. September by Earth, Wind and Fire would probably give you enough energy to visualize it.